I woke up this morning (at 7:30AM, which was more like 6:30AM after daylight savings time, AND after having been out until 2AM (pre-DST) watching UFC) in a mood.
I have put SO much time and energy into weight issues. Do I look okay? Does this skirt make me look fat? Obsession after obsession after freakout. I don't even want to imagine how much of my precious life has gone to feeling bad about myself.
No more.
From March 8 to May 10, I will be the best I know how to be at eating and exercise. I will plan my meals each week and schedule my exercise. On May 10, I will be running a half marathon, and I am going to train for that thing like a particularly obsessed Olympian. I will give it everything I've got.
And on May 10th, we will see. If, after 9 weeks of solid effort, I have made no dent in my weight, then I hereby promise that I will choose to be satisfied with where I am. If 9 weeks of logical and reasonable accommodations do nothing, then I'm not meant to lose anything.
Last week I ran for just over an hour and could easily have gone twice as long. I am fit. I'm just fat over the fit. And if that fat doesn't want to go after 9 weeks, then I will make peace with that.
The sidebar calendar is now just a yes/no. If I do the exercise and meals I have planned for that day, it gets a green. If not, it gets a red. There will be no reds.
This is the last time I will begin a weight loss program. If I do lose weight and am pleased about it, I will continue the program until I no longer lose weight (it's not a 'diet' per se so there's nothing I need to "go off"). If I do not lose weight, I will never start a weight loss program again.
For the next nine weeks I am an Olympian (albeit a slightly squishy one) going after a goal with absolute focus. I have set up rewards for each week (almost all involving revisiting a favourite movie or book but a few allowing me to buy something new: NONE about food, though) so that every week I have a new thing on which to focus.
Oddly, I'm both scared it will work and scared it won't. I put on the majority of my weight in 1996, so I have been big a LONG time. I'm not entirely sure who I am if I lose weight. I'm also not sure who I am if I stop trying to do it.
But, one way or the other, I will find out on May 10th.
I'd be delighted if any of you want to pursue this with me. Support is always great. :)
4 comments:
I stayed up almost as late with The BF watching the new UFC too! lol Almost all his favs lost, but it was still fun.
It sounds like you have a good plan! I hope it works out, either way it's quite a change isn't it?
I don't have any advice or experience with exorcise regimens or marathons, but I'm still here! And eagerly reading your progress. :)
I would gladly pursue this with you, all I really need to do is tone myself. Everything hangs everywhere since giving birth. I was working on the toning up, but then hubby went and lost my workout CD.
I just think what you're doing is awesome.
I agree, and it also keeps you motivated by recording what you do. and it is nice to see and judge what works for you and what you enjoy and what you don't.
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