I guess it was bound to happen. As diet failures go, this was small enough to likely seem ridiculous, but I am determined to follow the rules and I did not.
So yesterday, the condo maintenance people were coming in to make sure the ventilation ducts were clean. Good. Except I hate being home when they come in. I feel awkward about strange men roaming my place, I'm never sure where I should be while they're here (especially when there are duct-related things in both bathrooms, living room, and bedroom), and I hate having to make small talk with them when I'm thinking about a book.
To avoid all this, I spent the day out of the house. Went to the gym, did some Christmas shopping, had a (diet-appropriate) lunch, and then went to Starbucks. At this time of year, Starbucks has the mint brownies I adore. Sure enough, they were there.
And I didn't buy one! I got a small drink, at a sugar level I felt was reasonable, and was proud of myself for sticking to the plan.
Then the (evil, evil) Starbucks employee came around with a tray of brownie samples. Seriously, maybe an inch long by half an inch long. Hardly a brownie at all. Except it was one, and I should not have taken and eaten it.
Fortunately, a) I enjoyed it, b) it did not drive me to buy one, and c) I did not let myself use this little failure as an excuse to eat all the sweet stuff I could find for the rest of the day. But nonetheless, this brownie broke the rules. Therefore, there is a big ugly red day on my calendar.
I thought about pretending it was okay. I tried to talk myself into it not mattering since it was so small. But it does matter. I made myself a promise and I broke it. So I'm admitting it. And I feel better about that than I ever would have felt about a full month of 'perfect performance' when I knew it hadn't really happened.
Hiding from yourself is the worst kind of hiding, I think.