Go Small or Go Home - GONE!

To be precise, it's gone to Smashwords.com and is now available!

As part of this year's "Read an e-Book Week" I have just released Go Small or Go Home at SmashWords.com.

What's "Go Small or Go Home" about?

When massage therapist and aspiring miniatures artist Tess begins treating stressed but attractive hockey star Forrest, her art career soars due to his gallery-owning mother, but her creativity plummets under the weight of rules and deadlines. Soon, she's lost the freedom and joy she'd always found in art. Is having her dream career worth losing doing her art her way, or can she somehow have both at once?

From March 7-13th, you can get my book, and a great selection of others, for free or at a discount from SmashWords.com and their "Read an e-Book Week" catalogue. There are other great books available at the "Read an e-Book Week" site.

I am happy to be making a second book available, and I hope you'll check it out. In time, it will be available at amazon.com and other online retailers; when that happens I'll be sure to let you know. In the meantime, pick up the book this week for free at SmashWords!

Gimme oxygen!

There's a bad cold going around. It's bad. It's a hoodlum cold.

I haven't been sick for a long time, and I only realize that now that I AM sick and it feels so unusual. I will spare you the details, but let's just say my head hurts and my planned running workout isn't going to happen!

I am progressing well on Raoul's revision despite my stuffed-up head: passed the 50% mark yesterday!

Aardvark, on the other hand, is not going so well. I know what happens and why, and I can hear her voice. What's causing me trouble, then?

a) I'm afraid it'll be too short b) I'm afraid it won't sell.

I KNOW I shouldn't be worrying about either of those things at this stage, but I am. I love the concept of this book and the issues I am exploring, and I guess I'm almost wanting to keep it as a "sideline project" that I write entirely for me with no intent of selling. Once it's done, I could of course try to sell it, but in my head there's a difference between "book I'll sell when it's done" and "book I'm writing because it's exploring stuff I need answers to, and when it's done we'll see what we have".

The problem is that this has all come up this week, and my head is not in 100% working order. (Relative to usual, I mean. :) So I'm not sure whether I'm just feeling the "it's stinkin' hard to write a first draft" blues or whether I'm on to something.

I have an idea for a different book instead of the current Aardvark, and I might start exploring that a bit, but I don't want to ditch Aardvark and I really don't want to be writing/editing three books at once.

It's times like this I wish I had an agent. I'd love to have someone in the business take an objective look at what I have and what I'm planning and say, "I think you should do X". Maybe someday!

Until that happens, though, I have to do what feels right to me. And I think that might just be making Aardvark a "secret project" and beginning to explore the new idea.

But not until next week when my head clears. :)

Heather

My literary forest needs thinning?

So, I haven't done much posting about Raoul's tour of the literary agents. I don't like to, frankly... when there's major good news I'll share it, but I personally am not a fan of listing details of rejection letters on my blog. a) you never know who's reading your blog and b) unless they're funny or otherwise entertaining, who wants to read them anyhow?

But yesterday I got one that really made me think. She liked the idea and thought my writing was decent but said my pacing was too slow in the four pages I'd sent her. My dialogue tags (the lines before and after the dialogue, basically) and my descriptions were too long and were slowing down the story.

I've never been told this. In fact, I've been trying to ADD to those things (hmmm, suddenly the reason I've never been told this but now I AM being told this comes clear... did I swing too far??) to make the story deeper and richer.

Now, I've posted before about the 10% solution ebook I use to get unnecessary filler words ('that', 'this', '-ing words', etc.) out of my writing. I put Raoul through this process and I really thought it was clean.

But, as Mr. W said yesterday, all of the trees are good ones but perhaps they don't all need to be there. Basically, I've made sure the words are the right ones but I haven't focused as much on "do I need words here at all? does this truly need to be explained?"

So I took the pages I'd sent to this agent and set to work. Below, I'll paste the first paragraphs I sent and then the revised version.

Original version:

I locked eyes with my fellow job candidate, trying not to smile at his surprise. "Yes, I'm serious, Joe. Turn around."

A mottled flush crawled up his neck. "I can't ask you to do that." He shot a glance at the receptionist, the only other person in the late-70's-style waiting room plastered with Toronto Hogs hockey team posters and memorabilia, but her focus on her computer remained absolute.

"You didn't ask, I offered. And your shoulders are right up to your ears. Don't look a gift massage in the mouth."

Since I'd already been waiting a good ten minutes, although they'd flown by in his company, I probably didn't have long before my interview, but I couldn't leave such a nice man without at least trying to reduce the awful tension I'd noticed in him.

Besides, I'd get to touch him again, like I'd wanted to since our brief introductory handshake. Something about him, and not just his cuteness, called to me. He felt wounded somehow. Fragile, despite his height and clearly muscular body.

Total word count: 174

Revised version:

"Yes, I'm serious, Joe. Turn around."

"I can't ask you to do that." He glanced at the receptionist, at her desk beneath a poster of the 1974 Toronto Hogs hockey team, but her focus on her computer remained absolute.

"You didn't ask, I offered. And your shoulders are right up to your ears. Don't look a gift massage in the mouth."

I probably didn't have long before my interview, but I couldn't leave such a nice guy in such discomfort. Besides, I'd get to touch him again, like I'd wanted to since our introductory handshake. Something about him, not just his cuteness, called to me. He felt wounded. Fragile, despite his height and clearly muscular body.

Total word count: 116

Do you see? I was stunned. The entire first scene went from 919 words to 538. I don't think I've lost anything, and it's so much tighter. I DID take out another example of his hesitation to accept the massage, but since I'd already had one I didn't truly need two. I took out most of the description of the room, but now it focuses on the 1974 hockey team (which will shortly be revealed to be significant) while the computer suggests we're not actually IN 1974.

It's still my story, but now it's faster and cleaner.

So what were the steps to make this happen?

1. Read each sentence as if it's the first time you've seen it, and ask yourself, "Does this sentence matter?"
   
2. If it doesn't matter at all (like the very first sentence, which I had worked on repeatedly but never recognized I didn't actually need!) cut it.
3. If part of it matters, (like that they shook hands but not that it was 'brief' - how else would an introductory handshake usually be?) keep what matters and cut the rest.
4. Repeat to the end of the scene.
5. Re-read the whole scene, checking that a) everything's still connected b) you haven't lost something important c) it still has your voice d) there aren't any more words to take out.

If you're a writer, please consider passing this along to your friends. I know it's not revolutionary but I can't be the only one who's spent hours polishing text that doesn't need to be in the book. On the scene level I HAVE done the "does this need to be here" process, but somehow it never occurred to me to do it line-by-line.

It's important to have the right words. It's also important to have only needed words.

I will be going through Raoul in the afternoons as I write Aardvark in the mornings, and I expect to be finished within a month. The agent agreed the new excerpt was much better and she's going to take a look when I'm finished. Even if we don't end up working together, we've made a connection, and I'll have a MUCH stronger book because of her.

Even a quick survey of agent blogs shows how many are understandably wary of giving detailed feedback to an unknown author. Too many writers have sent back nastygrams. But this agent took the chance and I'm so grateful, because I think this will change my writing forever.

Give it a try on something you've written. At worst, you spend a little while (I spent less than an hour on the first four pages, including the time I spent saying, "I can't believe it, it's so much better!" over and over) with your writing and realize this isn't a problem area for you. But at best... maybe it'll change your writing forever too!

Heather

First exercise failure of 2009

So yesterday I was supposed to run. But I did not.

And I can't honestly say I feel bad about it.

I woke up feeling like I was fighting off a cold, and still felt oogy (technical term, meaning dull and grumpy and lethargic) all morning. In the afternoon, the oogyness began to fade and I spent hours on Raoul's query letter. (I'm sure I look funny doing that... staring intently at the screen for minutes on end, then lunging forward and changing one word, then staring again until I change the word back.)

So I got stuff done. Just no running. I'm surprised that I don't feel bad, as I'm usually all into beating myself up over this sort of thing, but I'm actually fine with it, so that's good.

Today I will be playing Wii Fit for 30 minutes or so (boxing, some strength challenges, and maybe a bit of hula hoop if I'm feeling saucy), and I'm also in the process of reading Raoul top to bottom to make sure it's ready to go out. 18,000 words in, it is, and I am starting to feel ready to let it go. I'm aiming for January 31st, so expect at least one panicked "what if they hate it?" post between now and then. :)

Actually, let's pre-empt that. If they hate it, whatever. My heart is in this book, and I know I've done everything I could for it. I've learned from it, and I'll carry that forward into the next book, and that has to be the definition of success as a writer.

Off to read my book. Third time reading a book before sending it to agents and the feeling of "wow, I wrote this?" hasn't worn off. I hope it never does!

50 Things to Say Before You Die

I just found this interesting list. Someone who's said all 50 would, I think, have a deep and meaningful life.

A few samples:
#7: There’s nothing I’d rather be doing.
#14: Glad to help you.
#21: I’ve learned from my failures.
#23: I don’t like my life – Of course it’s a bad thing to say. But once you’ve acknowledged that you don’t like your life you can now begin to change it.
#40: I’m glad you were here.

You can see all 50 at http://www.lyved.com/body_soul/50-things-to-say-before-you-die/ - worth checking out, I think!

I'm going to do a little blog polishing this weekend... the sidebars are getting cluttered! I don't feel like doing much at the moment, so blog reorganization is right up my alley.

Why don't I feel like doing much? Because I finished editing Raoul yesterday! I'm very pleased with it, but it's already starting to feel distant. It's odd, letting it go after being locked into it, but it's definitely beginning to feel like "that book I worked on" instead of "the book I'm doing now". Interesting feeling, but odd.

Now, I will let it rest while I write its query letters (and while a hockey-playing friend reads it and makes her list of things I didn't do right :) and then I'll read it one more time and send it out.

Sending it out makes me nervous, but I'm working on letting that go. I did the best I could, and I am truly pleased with it. And that's all I could do. Mr. W describes it as sending the kid off to university - I've trained him the best I can and now it's up to him to see what he can do.

Go get straight As, Raoul! :)

50.35%, in case you're counting

That's how much of "Raoul"'s editing is finished. I didn't set a goal date, because I didn't want to make myself rush OR let myself go slower than I could (both of which have happened with set dates) but at this rate I think I'll be done by the end of the week. Then it's query-prep time, and then the first agents get queried and I go right back to planning the next book.

I love this job, I really do. :)

I've had my first feedback on "Life, Love, and a Polar Bear Tattoo". A lovely lady at www.ravelry.com read the book and recommended it on a "52 books in 52 weeks" group. I keep looking at her posting and grinning like a jack o'lantern. Someone (who's not one of my sisters or a good friend) liked the book! WOO!

Her posting made me cry, but it also made me join the group she posted in, and now I'm committing to reading 52 books in 2009. I read one this week (which I will review tomorrow) so I've got 51 more to go. Any suggestions?

What's YOUR favourite book?

Heather

Editing the BOOK is the easy part

It's editing my thoughts that's tough.

No, there's no guarantee this book will sell. Yes, Heather, it'd be lovely if there were, but there isn't. No, we will not use that as an excuse to mess around on the Internet instead of editing. No. No, we won't.

Well, so what if it doesn't sell? Are you giving up?

Damn straight you're not. If you write the stories you love, then they're worth writing even if it's only you and your friends who ever read them. Hell, they might be are worth it even if you're the only one. Because you're learning all sorts of interesting things while writing them, aren't you? About yourself and how hard you can work, about how to keep moving when it doesn't feel good, about how to refuse to let 'it might not sell' into your mind.

Yep, those are good things. And I'm getting better at them all the time.

Today is the first real day of "Raoul"'s editing. (I should get used to calling it "Go Small and Go Home" but I still like Raoul. :) Yesterday I went through the list of changes I'd received from my great freelance editor and made the "comma here, no comma there" type changes. Today I started in on the big stuff. Top to bottom, making sure everything links up and the book is the best I've got.

Then it goes out to agents and I go back to work on the next one, keeping my thoughts focused in the right direction.

I love what I'm doing. I've never loved any job or career like I love writing.

"Success is loving life and daring to live it." (Maya Angelou, from a notecard pinned to my bulletin board)

I dare.

First two lines of "Raoul" being critiqued!

I submitted the first two lines to the blog "Miss Snark's First Victim" (explanation available at the blog if you wonder WTH that means). So far, the posters like it!

Some really neat stories getting started there. Mine is at http://misssnarksfirstvictim.blogspot.com/2008/12/f2s-53.html - from there you can also look at the others, should you feel so inclined.

I didn't post yesterday. Didn't have nothin' to say. :)

I have two new Aardvark ideas, both of which I quite like. We're up to 7 now, I think. Not bad... 7 potential novels!

Cats on robots

I don't have much to say today. Unusual. :)

My lovely and talented critiquer Bev Katz Rosenbaum got back to me today with her comments on the new book... and she says it's my best yet! Huge sigh of relief... Bev's seen my work from pretty much the first draft of the first book, so to have her say that is wonderful. (The ten pages of suggested changes she included are even more wonderful, because they mean she really read it in detail, not that I'd have expected anything else from her.)

She doesn't like the title, though. Hmm. Must find a new one! Feel free to go to the book's page, read the excerpt, and suggest a title. I'll happily give you credit when the book sells. :)

I've added a widget to the left-hand sidebar, listing the books I've read since... two days ago. I WAS trying to list everything I read and write reviews on it, but I fell way behind on the reviews and then stopped listing. But I like listing. So it's back, and no pressure to write reviews. :)

And now, as promised... a cat riding a Roomba. :)



Not MY cat... Sapphire dislikes the Roomba. (I'm not sure it's entirely fear so much as "I am to be the only small round object roaming this joint. :)

I can feel my brain waking up and longing to return to work. Monday. Go back to sleep until then. :)

Raoul is done.

So am I.

More tomorrow. :)

Rereading Raoul: random results

I'm a little fried at the moment, due to about 4.5 hours of intense Raoul reading. So, another stats post, because them's easy to write. :)

Time spent: 4 hours, 28 minutes (I know, I'm such a nerd... but when I start a session I activate my Palm time-tracking software and I deactivate when I'm done, so I know the exact count, so why not share it with you?)
Words read: 38,279 (again, nerdy. Sorry. :)
Average words per minute: 143

Now, I have been regularly clocked at 1200 wpm reading a 'regular book', so 143 is slow for me. But when I read a regular book I'm not worried about whether every line makes sense, whether every word's the right one, whether every little nuance works the way I want. And here? I so am.

And they DO, my friends, they do. I have made changes, but none have been of the what-moron-wrote-this variety. Holy expletive-deleted, I love this book. :)

Sharp right turn. I have to say I feel bad about how I'm doing on NaBloPoMo. Not on the Po part, but on the commenting on other people's posts. I have a nice collection of blogs to read (largely collected from Ravelry - woo, Ravelry!) and I'm now two full days behind. Urgh.

If you're reading and commenting here, know a) I'm so grateful, b) I have your blog in my list, and c) once Raoul's done (tomorrow, barring a major wheel falling off), I'll be all blogs all the time.

Stay tuned. More nerdy facts tomorrow. Tomorrow afternoon I'll be at Starbucks, where I usually start and end projects. (I also usually cry at the end of a book, which necessitates a quick exit from Starbucks, but oh well. :)

Exactly 2 months later... Raoul!

I finished editing it this morning. :) I can't stop grinning whenever I think of it. The weird little idea I had is now an 84,000 word novel!

Next, I'll let it sit until Monday and then re-read it top to bottom (here's where being a natural 1200 wpm speedreader really becomes a thing of beauty) and then it heads out to my test readers. I'll then spend the rest of the week cleaning up the house, which has rather fallen down during the last few days, and then Mr. W and I are on vacation for a week (nice little Ontario resort) and then it's time to find the next book! :)

Some random statistics, courtesy of my tracking spreadsheet and the TimeSheet program on my Palm:

Hours spent editing: 140.52
Total words edited: 86,085
Average words per hour: 612
Average time spent per day: 176 minutes (or 2 hours and 54 minutes) (I find four hours a day is my upper limit, and three seems to be comfortably hard without making it impossible to work the next day, so it's interesting that this is the average)
Average words per day: 1793

My 'most overused words' (the ones I watch for and remove on editing)
Just: 407 in the first draft, 178 in the second
Really: 85 in the first draft, 41 in the second
Moment: 52 in the first draft, 38 in the second

And, just for fun, a Wordle.net picture of the book itself, showing the most common words in the largest font size. Click it to see a bigger version. (Forrest is a key character. Can you tell? :) (The book's in first person so her name, Tess, doesn't appear all that often.)

Showing up

I didn't want to show up this morning. I'm SO close to finishing Raoul, and while I love that, a part of me doesn't want it done. I had to force myself into my writing chair and I didn't want to stay once I got there.

I usually go off to Starbucks when I feel this way, but I decided to prove to myself that I can work at home even when the mood doesn't strike (and in fact when the mood is dancing away from me rather than striking). So I gave myself a little pep talk, remembering that I'm writing Raoul exactly as I want to and that I love it, and that even if nobody else on the planet likes it, I do and that's good enough.

It's hard as a trying-to-get-published writer to remember that sometimes. Rejection is everywhere, and while it's not supposed to be personal, when you've put your heart and soul (and six months or more of your life and constant attention) into a book and someone says no, it sure feels personal.

Today, I was able to let it feel personal and still work, and I'm proud of that. I revised the final scene today, and it still makes me cry even though I know what's coming, because I love how it turned out. A billion rejections couldn't take that away from me.

I think I'll do the epilogue tomorrow, and then next week I'll re-read it and send it to my sisters, good friend, and freelance editor (who's fabulous - Bev Katz Rosenbaum) for comments.

And then maybe I'll go to Starbucks, just to relax. :)

At this rate it'll be a pamphlet!

At the start of the day, Raoul's first scene had 2327 words. Now, it's 936. I knew I'd be shortening it because my first scenes are always a bit "Who are you people? Let's hear you talk so I figure you out", but cutting that much was a surprise. What's left is tight though. :)

I spent about 30 minutes just staring at the first few pages trying to figure out what needed to be kept and where I wanted to start, then slashed a nice line through the first 4.5 and it came alive. All of the content and none of the rambly. (I'll keep the rambly here, where it's a little closer to belonging.)

There are presently 69 scenes (quit giggling, it's just how it worked out!) and I'm hoping to be finished in 60 work days. There is hope!

In other news, I did my first session of a stretch class this morning (to fulfil the "take an exercise class you don't think you'll enjoy, and go to all the sessions" task, #64, of my 101 tasks in 1001 days project). And I didn't hate it! I am what you'd call not so flexible, but I was able to get through nearly everything. Sure, a few times the only people who couldn't do a stretch were me and a woman who looked to be about eighty, but we tried. And I felt nice and relaxed after. Which probably helped with Raoul. So, win win!

Until I tighten up again by next week.

101 in 1001 update: September 6, 2008

First off, happy birthday to my father. May you have thousands more, and always be just as weird as you are now. (But no weirder, please!)

So, I've been back to work this week. I re-read Raoul on Wednesday, and then again on Thursday and Friday because I LOVE IT. It's exactly what I wanted it to be. Sure, there are rough spots, but the core of it is what I wanted to achieve and I'm thrilled.

Now, to sand off all the rough spots and make it sparkle!

As a result of my obsession with Raoul, the 101 tasks kinda... well... did I mention I love Raoul? :)

Yes, I DID add words to my free rice total. A lot of them. The counter reads 11,100 at the moment. The trick is, I don't know exactly how many I have because I reinstalled Windows XP on my laptop and forgot to check the total before I left! I THINK it was at about 115,000 at that point, and we will just say that's where it was. So now my total is 126,000. Not bad.
No, I did not add things to my 'list of interesting things about me'. I've decided instead to incorporate those three lists into my weekly planning/review session (which happens just before I come here and do this) so I'll add one a week.
Yes, I did carry on with my 15+ minutes a day reading. One day this week it was only Raoul, but I am working slowly through an Iain M. Banks novel (SLOWLY... parts are hilarious but so far it doesn't seem to make a story) on the other days.
Yes, I did carry on with my knitted sweater. I also started crocheting a big plushy shawl to wear as a coat substitute in the fall.
Yes, I did carry on with the Artist's Way book and am partway through week 11. I'll finish it and week 12 up next week, and I have bought a compendium of it and the next two books by Julia Cameron, so I think I'll just carry right on into the next one!
No, I didn't do private #101. I completely forgot. :)

Not bad, really. It's funny how it always feels like I've done so much less than I really have. (That, right there, is likely what someone'll put on my tombstone. :)

This week, I will:
#1 add another 7000 grains of rice. They've added math and grammar and foreign language questions, which ups my interest level considerably.
#44 check my records and figure out just how many authors new to me I've read so far and list them. I think the count is WAY off at this point.
#55 carry on with the sweater of doom. At the rate I'm going, I should have the fronts done by the end of October at the dead latest, and then I have a month for each sleeve. Is there hope??
#58 make my tea towels with the day of the week on them. (They're cute. Cartoon teapots.) I have to iron on the design and then paint 'em with fabric paints, which will be this week's Artist Date (part of the Artist's Way book). Once they're done, I'll start the 'have the right one up each day for a month' part of the task.
#89 finish the Artist's Way book.
#101 begin again.

Not bad. In other news, I will begin editing Raoul on Monday. The first few scenes currently involve a joke I'm going to remove, so there shall be much surgery. But then it should be smooth sailing. (Look for a post in about three weeks that completely disproves this theory. :) I'm also still prepping queries for Seven.

Have a great week!

101 in 1001 update: July 7, 2008

One day into the week and I'm already behind. Ah, well. :)

Last week:
YES/NO, I donated my bookcrossing books. I was to do two, but only did one. I will take the other one out tomorrow morning when I go for my run.

NO, I did not finish my string bag. I made a shawl instead. :)
NO, I did not finish the back piece of the sweater of doom. See above note about the shawl I made. :) I've got maybe six rows left. This week.
NO, I did not do Artist's Way week 10. I did 'do' it, I guess, but this particular week holds a lot of truths for me and with the first two days of the week off I didn't give it as much as I'd like to, so I'll repeat it this week.

YES, we did move into the "litter box gone, bowl in the toilet" stage of toilet training the cat. She is bemused, and no doubt muttering to herself about my insanity. We're currently at about 60% compliance. Don't ask what happens the other 40% of the time!
YES, I did private #101.
YES, I did add 5,000 to my free rice total, to get me to 105,000. 105,700, to be precise.
YES, I did read another new author. Emily Barr. I LOVED the book until the last few chapters, when it fell apart. Sigh.
YES, I did babysit R and B on Friday night. I believe they were left relatively unscarred by the experience. :)
YES, so far I did follow through on my July plans for a great birthmonth.

In addition:
- I tried something new at Starbucks (task #72) - Chai Latte. Not bad!
So not bad!

This week:
- I will get the free rice total to 113,000.
- I will add fourteen things to the list of things that make me happy, getting said list to 49.
- I will finish the string bag.
- I will re-do Artist's Way week 10.
- I will finish the back of the sweater of doom.
- I will continue on my July plans for a great birthmonth.
- I will donate the remaining book I have set aside for book crossing.
- I am partway through another book by an author new to me. I will finish it.

I will also relax and enjoy Raoul, which is nearing the end. :)

Oh, yes, and I will run a 10-mile race in Toronto the morning of July 13th, so this might not get updated until Monday (or even Tuesday, given that Monday's my birthday and if I don't feel like doing this I don't gotta. :)

June 27, 2008: Heather needs help (seriously)

Just read a blog post from Lauren McLaughlin (written back in April) in which she talks about needing time off, needing a six-week vacation.

I commented to Mr. W this morning that, while I am still loving Raoul, I'm finding it harder and harder to drop myself into that chair and make it happen. Once I'm there, it's great (really... I love the writing process) but getting there is tough. I HAVE been getting there, haven't missed a session, but the crowbar required to get me there is getting larger and larger.

I expect Raoul to be done by the end of July, and then I'd planned to spend August working on finding the next book. But what if I took a break instead?

I have been writing full-time since 2005. I finally dealt with a crippling fear of success/failure (not entirely sure it wasn't both) in early 2006, and since then there's been no time off. Since 2006, I have:
- completed the two half novels I had been stuck on (Polar Bear and a children's book I wrote for the volleyball team at the last school I worked)
- written four full first draft novels (Seven, Seven's ancestor, one that's never seen the light of day codenamed Gillian, and "The House of Her Dreams", a moderately creepy suspense I wrote for my sister). All of these also had a planning phase of 1-2 months beforehand.
- revised Polar Bear at least ten times (possibly more like 15)
- revised Seven's ancestor twice
- revised Seven twice
- spent a month fighting for Raoul's concept
- written half of Raoul's first draft

That's basically 1.5 years. I feel a wide variety of emotions re-reading this list: a little pride, mixed with awe, sprinkled with shock. HOW can I still not feel like I'm getting enough done?

Because I haven't sold yet? I don't think that's why. I've come to terms with the fact that the selling part isn't under my control and I accept that I'm writing the books first for me because I love them, and second for however many readers I can get. That's how I fixed the 2005 fears, and it's been working.

I do need a vacation. But I genuinely don't know what I'd do with myself for all that time. Taking a trip someplace for the month is not an option for a variety of reasons, so I'd be here. And how would I be here and not working?

Would reading and re-reading writing books, and taking courses, be a vacation?

How can I possibly not know what would constitute a vacation?

But I don't.

If you do, especially if you're another crazy-driven type like myself, let me know. Because I need one. Badly. Or at some point, the brain and creativity will give out and then I'll have nothing.

I get the rest concept on the exercise front. Training for marathon running makes it painfully clear - you can't just keep building. But here it feels different.

Here, I feel afraid. Afraid of what, I don't know. But deeply afraid.

Feedback, please. Here or on facebook or via email or via carrier pigeon or even by phone if you must. But I needs the helps.

June 25, 2008: Stretching into visual art

Not sure any more where I found this site for the Diary 2009 project, but it's the neatest thing. A different artist creates each page of a datebook for 2009, and then they're all bound together and sold either in paper form or on a CD (which you can print and have bound yourself).

And I, I created July 14th's page. :) I am so not a graphics designer (SO not) but I gave it my best shot and I'm actually really pleased with my page, which can be seen at the project's Flickr page (look for "SapphireNinja" - that's me!).

I intend to buy the diary, and when my birthday rolls around next year I'll look at the page I made and remember that I can do more than I think I can.

I'll never be famous for my visual art. But so what? I can make some, and amuse myself, and in this case I can be part of an amazing project at the same time.

Speaking of amazing projects (did that sharp turn hurt your neck? I hope not!) I love Raoul. SO much. I will miss it when it's done. I want it done, so it can rest and then I can edit it and make it gorgeous, but I'll miss Tess and Forrest. They're good eggs.

:)

Heather

June 24, 2008: A happy little graph

Isn't that a happy graph? I know I'm happy seeing it. :) We're getting there, Raoul, never fear. True, it does seem like for every scene I write I add another to the outline, but we're building up quite the word count along the way.

I want the first draft done by the end of July. I believe this will not be a problem.

Woo!

June 9, 2008: Seeing the scenes come alive

I tend to 'see' certain scenes for each book in my head (usually the grand finale and some big/important/fun scene in the middle) over and over. Over the weekend I got the idea to use this more consciously, to visualize the next few scenes I'll be writing. I decided to visualize four, since it gives me a good chunk of writing without being all 'visualize the whole book already'-ish.

I wrote two of them today and they flowed well. I'll keep it up, adding two new scenes to the back of the two left over ones. It seemed to help, and it'll keep me from obsessing over the ending and the big scene in the middle of Raoul. :)

Writing Project: Raoul
Time Planned: 2 hours plus type-in
Time Spent: 2 hours plus 93 minutes (overanalysis? perhaps, but the Palm keeps the numbers for me :)
Favourite Part: having something I'd planned to bring up later pop up here and recognizing it needed to be done here

Exercise: 45 minutes elliptical
One Fun Thing I Did Today: nothing yet, unfortunately. I DID watch Corner Gas at lunch, but I do that every work day so I'm not sure it counts. I'll have to think of something!